Ego Death & The Search for Purpose Amidst Loneliness

Hello! Recently I experienced an ego death after taking shrooms. After going through a short period of depression, I’m finally starting to feel better. I realized that I am not my thoughts, I’m just a consciousness experiencing the world through my senses and my brain. After spending two weeks lying in bed feeling like I had no reason to live anymore, I think I may have found part of an answer, but something still feels missing. It seems like what keeps people going is ambition. Even if it comes from the ego, you need some kind of ambition to get out of bed in the morning. For me, what brings me the most happiness when I’m alone is setting a goal and reaching it. But if ambition comes from the ego, how do you know what you truly want? The “I” doesn’t even really exist, so every goal starts to feel superficial or conditioned. For example, I’ve always loved music and I’ve always been a good singer. But sometimes I wonder if I actually want to become a singer, or if that desire comes from needing attention or from patterns shaped by my past experiences and traumas. People say you should listen to your body, but it’s so hard. I feel like I’m trying everything, yet nothing really interests me. The only thing that truly matters to me right now is my three close friends, but they all live far away. I live alone in Paris and I don’t really have friends here, so I feel like I need to find a way to be happy on my own.

Following an ego death experience and subsequent depression, the user reflects on the challenge of finding motivation and genuine ambition without a solid sense of self, questioning whether desires for things like a singing career stem from authentic wants or conditioning. They express loneliness in Paris and a need to find happiness independently, despite feeling a lack of true interests and a strong connection only to distant friends.

I think true purpose that can drive “ambition” or motivation comes from your higher self and actually away from the ego. You have to pair the two together. You’re still probably in a sensitive healing phase from your experience but I’m sure you will come out of it feeling better than you do now and you can find within you what gives you that “expansion” and drive. I think the root is creation. Become a creator and bring value to the world. Let me know if this resonates at all.

@sooch Yeahhh I want to feel that way, to think that my ambition for music comes from my higher self but I know that if I lived in a different family I would probably not have this ambition When I think back to the moment during my trip when I felt like “pure consciousness”, I had absolutely no ambition at all. And strangely, it was fine because I couldn’t feel any emotion but “bliss” and the feeling of pure freedom.

@sashou is it ambition or passion ? Also when you’re present yes you won’t feel stressed or fear because there’s literally nothing to feel and can experience that bliss. You know that exists . You don’t need to be constantly feeling that “ambition” or even passion. And that evolves and changes. Sometimes I feel like I can’t work and need a break and some time off reignites things.