Finding Inner Strength: A Journey of Self-Reliance and Gr...

Dear Void, What does it feel like? Is it lonely? Do you ever return back to the sender, or just keep it to yourself? Can you handle all the emotions? Do you become overwhelmed? Do you understand your importance? Do you feel? Are we friends, or are you only an ear to speak to? When I feel I have nowhere to place my thoughts I place them with you. Sometimes it's the first and the last moment I'll ever speak to you about something, but you take it all in. Without complaint. I scream at you sometimes and all you do is sit there. You take the blows and keep going. You allow me to get everything out. I write and write and shove these messages down your throat or into a folder I keep tucked away for a day when it's raining or I spill coffee on it and read over it again to say damn ... I was in a dark space. That was heavy and I had no one to reach out to. Except you. You were there. From the moment I had that thought or the moment I had the urge to scream you were there! You were there to take the long monologues of a tired man. You weren't bothered by it. You didn't have anything to say back to me but you had an ear. Sometimes you're the only ear that could ever hear the truth and intentions in which I have and not be judgemental or alarmed by what I say because you have already heard it from others like me. I wonder if you've ever spoken back or if you could would they listen. Would I listen? Would I take in what you have to say to me or would it be like staring into a mirror and I realize the problem the whole fucking time was me. When I was told to start with the man in the mirror, I didn't see anything wrong. I saw someone who was striving and trying to go after everything he could. Yet I didn't realize until it was over that if I started with the very thing you had told me to start with, I would've reach my goals a lot fucking sooner. I would've worked on the man I wanted to be and realized I am him. Past present and future are such a linear path that the man I see myself becoming is already here, I just have to become him now and learn from the mistakes of my past. If I keep moving forward I will reach a destination but if I stay still I will go nowhere!!! If I go back.... Man... If I go back I will go to a time when the struggles were a little more unbearable and unbelievable. Times to where I didn't know if I was gonna live to see the next day or not. Living in that darkness. That's what pain felt like. That's what true pain felt like. Oh how I wish I would've been able to move past that sooner. I kept looking back at it all and staying right in it. I couldn't move myself forward without taking steps backwards into struggle. Now that I am at the point of my life where I know moving forward is best for me, I wonder how I ever made it through those moments. I screamed into the void and asked for a rescue. It never came. It never came because it already was there with me. The whole time. I just couldn't see it. Stepping forward even when it's a tough time to do so, is the best times. I have always achieved so much more during the darkest moments when I stepped out in pure faith and confidence. When I did it from a place of lacking. It failed. But now I do it from a place of understanding. Understanding that what is coming is much better than where I am now and that it is much more beautiful and lovely to walk in the faith of not knowing than it is to walk in the faith of hoping for. I walk forward because I know the rewards and benefits of doing so. Not because I search for the reward I lack, but because my treasures will be found in those moments. My character has been built differently and it shows. Especially when I myself cannot recognize the man in the mirror from the man in the past. I also know the man in the mirror is not the man in the future and the one in the future will be proud of me more so for the man I am now than ever. Thank you void. Thank you for taking the beatings. Thank you for taking my unkind words, or my late night ramblings and helping me find my way. I look forward to many more screams and rants being thrown at you, while you sit there in love and patiently waiting for me to finish. You are loved and we couldn't do life without you. Thank you. The void screamer, Sean.

Sean addresses the 'void' as a silent, non-judgmental recipient of his thoughts and emotions, realizing through this process that the 'rescue' he sought was always within himself. He reflects on past struggles, the importance of self-acceptance ('the man in the mirror'), and the power of moving forward with faith and understanding, expressing gratitude to the 'void' for its passive yet essential role in his journey of self-discovery and growth.

Bravo, brother! There are no mistakes, you have overcome now, and you are exactly where you need to be. No more wishing that you could have seen from this place or been “here” sooner! You are here now, so be thankful and keep seeking and never stop! What is darkness also turns into light! The darkness was for you, it has showed you how to speak life into yourself as you do now. It is always in the darkness that we can’t see that it is actually there to serve the light. Without the darkness, there is no light! I encourage you to start listening now as you continue this journey, the void speaks brother. It may be asking you to listen, and will you, if it says something you don’t want to hear? In this lies your next challenge, I believe 🥂