Cannabis and Consciousness: Beyond Ego and Global Suffering

Hello. I've done a lot of stuff tonight. I sent like 5 or 6 emails and I did my conducting assignment which took me like an hour and a half, 2 hours. But I've got everything I need to do tonight. My jaw is very tight. I went out and smoked. I'm kind of regretting it because like I was kind of just like grooving and then I went back to like edit, mush it. Like you know I got Grammarly and like it works. But at the same point it was like my fucking subscription is like not doing its thing and yeah like it's, it just wasn't, it wasn't it. And then I ended up finishing it and then like kind of letting my mind get out of the flow a little bit which really wasn't helpful. But the main thing, I don't know, it was like I went out and smoked. And like my back, my chest started not feeling good and like it's just like I don't know. I was feeling really good and now like I feel like I'm back down. But at the same point like I'm here, I'm talking, like I'm good. You know like objectively like I, there's nothing that can get me down but like I don't know it's one of those things where I feel like now that I've smoked it like, I don't know, it like numbs me. You know what I mean? It's like all I need is to be me. And like I've kind of been on a whole thing like I essentially am getting off my ADHD medication and like just going raw, raw dogging life. You know what I mean? And it's one of those things where I, it almost like reintroduces, I mean it's a rhomdoxism but like it, it reintroduces something that I'm not enough in my present state to where I always need to be reaching and grabbing for something to make me better rather than just being comfortable in myself and in my own body and in my own mind, peaceful. You know what I mean? And it's one of those things where you know it's, I'm in the process of letting go. And like it's one of those first times where like I've genuinely had those feelings and I felt them and I'm done with the rumination. I'm done with like all of the different things that can keep me on the same track when I'm meant to be breaking timelines and I am breaking timelines. You know what I mean? Like there's, it's, it feels really profound but it's also just my experience and like it feels profound to me. But like I don't know, I don't hear anyone else talking about this shit besides on Instagram and like those are the people that like you know are doing the thing and it's like I want to be doing the thing. But it's also like part of me is like, it's, there's like the doubt which is also stemming from like the part that feels like I'm not enough because like what is there to doubt besides like, I don't know, like the only, the doubt is an external-ism of me not perceiving that I'm enough inside. It's a projection, that's all it is, life is a mirror. If I'm embodying my most confident, highest self, the version that people call me a Greek god in, then it's, that's what it is. But when I'm not and I'm embodying my ego which fundamentally go, no, it pushes, it's a push away, it's a negation. It's a negation of the anima which is the animated. It's, that's what it is and I like, there's, there's nothing else to it, you know what I mean? And like with this app, I don't know man, like it, it really does help in a lot of ways because it's, it's just a mirror and it mirrors exactly what I need it to and I almost like, I see it as divine in that way where it's like, that's the thing, it's a manifestation of the divine. What, why can't the fucking black mirror, it might be the black mirror of taking away your consciousness but what if it can teach us some shit? What if it can make us more present and realize that hey, yes, it can be a fucking time sync and it can steal all of your consciousness and put you into a mindless zombie, vegetable like state, like yes, it can do that or it can also be productive and help you manifest your life and manifest your own destiny, be the Apollonian structuring force to the craziness that is our internet and our lives. There's just too many opportunities and too many options for complacency and that to me is our biggest cry as a society, you know? It's, it gets so deep but it's really not because all there is is other human beings, humans that are breathing the same fucking air and we treat each other like fucking, I don't even know, I mean genocides, we have what looks like a fucking plane getting, you know, Y news everywhere, it's like we're being fed a story and the story isn't the truth because you look at the truth, we're having a fucking multiple genocides, half of the planet is being killed as we speak and we're just living here and I'm going in, doing my conducting, sending my fucking emails, like it's insane, it's insanity and I feel like I can't be quiet about it anymore, we need to do something and it's not a revolution up in guns, we're gonna overrule the government, no, we're gonna fucking overrule our minds, it's the revolution of consciousness, because the prince of darkness is but the other face of the king of light. There's an old Zen poem about this tyrannical emperor coming and taking a city and up in the mountain all the monks in the temple fleed out of fear except for one and the emperor comes up, opens the door and says, do you know who I am? I could put my sword through your stomach without the blink of an eye and the monk says, do you know who I am? I could have your sword through my stomach without the blink of an eye and then the samurai bowed down and became a student, I talked about this last night, like it's just, it's so prominent and I can't stop fucking talking about it and it's like I can't talk, I feel like I can't talk about it with people because then I'm a fucking doomer, well no, it's just realistic that people are fucking dying every day for reasons they don't need to be, they're being starved to death, and shit we have a fucking plane crash that you look at the fucking film, I mean it's going, I mean the frame rate and shit, I mean I don't fucking know, but like it seems a little sus to me and personally I wonder if there's anyone on that that was important because it's insane, you know, and like, yeah, it's kind of crazy because all of this me talking feels like ego, but it's coming from a place that it doesn't feel like I am talking, it's just happening, it's just coming out, there is no I in my voice right now, it's just is, it's just happening, we're just here, you know, and we're awake, but we also need to go to sleep, because that's where the other side lives, okay, you can't hear my mannerisms, you can just see the speech, the text, but it's good, it's good integration, and here we are, okay, I love you all, have a good night. Hey my jaw isn’t tight anymore. With love, Sage

The author shares a candid, stream-of-consciousness reflection following cannabis use, exploring the tension between their 'raw' self and reliance on external aids like medication or technology. They pivot from personal integration and the 'negation of the anima' to a call for a revolution of consciousness amidst global suffering. The post captures a moment of intense, albeit sprawling, analytical processing about presence, ego, and the nature of reality.