Shrooms with Ex: Expressing Hidden Love & Emotional Release

So first time I was thinking of trying shrooms was with this guy that happens to also be my ex but we have such a deep connection that even after breaking up we continue to hang out and see each other because we didn’t end on a bad note. Anyway, we ended up taking shrooms one day. Not too much, not too little, we just wanted an introductory dose to see what happens before trying more another time. Don’t get me wrong it was still a good trip, I mean I saw visuals of all sorts and I felt like such a baby crying about every little thing because I felt like so much love was oozing out of me. And he was there feeling my energy and crying too. Around the time of the beginning of the trip when we were slightly feeling tingly all over our body, and we were just speaking on what we wanted from the trip, because it was way more than just a fun party time. Our intention was to meet ourselves deeper and connect to mother mushroom and whatever the mushroom wanted us to learn and we were open to the possibility of a bad moment because we were there for each other. Anyway, there was a moment at the start of the peak where we were just dissolving into this background music that we streamed on tv and it was like some yogi/ancenstral kind of vibe that we had played lol. And I suddenly at some point felt like being closer to him so I got on him from the couch that we were on. He was laying down and I ended up slothing on him like this🦥 (if that makes sense) and I suddenly felt the need to let out a good cry. Not a bad cry just.. a release that I needed. Especially holding him it felt like so much oxytocin coming into my body and it felt so nice and comforting. While this was happening, I had my eyes closed still on him and having these cool visuals that were hard to even explain at the time because it was also slightly blurry too. But the best way I could explain it was like I almost teleported to some sort of maze, I wasn’t scared, just trying to walk through this maze and i remember every corner I went into I saw some character. Every corner I took was a different character. One was this magical Gypsy woman, another was this joker riding a bike while juggling, and there were more but those were the two I remember the most. Every time I encountered one of them, they were pointing me somewhere and trying to get me to say something I had inside but was fighting it to not say it. I kept walking away from these beings (not in a rude way but more like me saying “you know I can’t do that while smiling and walking away to continue the maze). They kept telling me to tell him that I love him. It’s not like I don’t love him, I really really do. I just didn’t want to possibly make it awkward even though I know we can be open about things with each other and im comfortable with him, my ego just wants to protect me and I know that. Given the situation we’re in, I didn’t want to possibly do too much when we aren’t even together. Like we already share a lot of love for each other and it’s obvious within our eyes whenever we meet up. It’s the silent look that’s more than just a look and the way we speak to each other. But we don’t say those kind of things out loud because I guess it just makes it more real that we can’t be JUST friends. Anyway back to the story, my mind was bombarded with these creatures telling me to tell him I love him. And it physically pained me to be holding that while I’m having all these little guys in front of me telling me to and I couldn’t run away from them. They were an infinite amount of mystical beings just communicating with me. Until at some point.. I gave in. Because I knew if I didn’t finally say it then I wouldn’t move on to other thoughts in my trip. So me being on him I said, “sometimes I want to say things but I stop myself”. And he said “why? You know we can trust each other with things” and I said “i know we can and it’s just our situation is weird and I don’t want to mess something up” and he said something along the lines of him knowing he fuvked up and that it’s all his fault (for another story time another time😂). I basically ended up just saying it. “Look I’m going to say something and you don’t have to say something back at all I just want to say this to you…. I love you. I love you so so much” . And I heard this audible sound of release coming from him and hearing his voice crack like he was going to bawl just like I was. And he responded saying he has so much love for me and that he cares for me. We had a sweet moment and I’m not too sure what happened afterwards chronologically but we ended up moving to his bed and we were just talking about life and the world and how words are weird at times and we were just deciphering things. We were getting so lost with each other like we were bound to each other. It felt like this out of this world kind of connection (which we already feel when we connect and take an edible sometimes). It feels like he’s my satyr and I’m his dryad/fairy earthling being. And we become so primal with each other and it feels so erotic. Overall the experience was a great one, probably not to the extent and depth that we wanted or expected but I’m glad we did this introductory dose before trying more.

Describes a first-time psilocybin experience with an ex-partner, detailing how they used the trip for introspective growth rather than recreation. The author recounts a breakthrough moment in a 'maze' of symbolic characters that pushed them to confront and express their hidden love for their partner, leading to a deep emotional release and connection.