From Anxiety to Happiness: A Journey of Self-Love

I can already tell that May is going to be a very busy month, but I’m super excited for everything coming up. I remember dreading times like this as a teenager, I just wanted to stay locked away in my dark room and cry to my music. Nowadays things are a bit different, I’m eager to go to work, I get a little excited to meet new people and I love having a week or two full of plans. It makes me look forward to the time I get to spend alone, and rest my mind and body. Right now I feel like I’m in a phase where everything feels brand new, each experience, each day, every new person I see. I don’t know how to describe this feeling, but it’s almost I’m being born again, like I’m experiencing life the way it’s supposed to be. It’s like I spent so many years living with these dark colored glasses and I finally took them off, there’s so much more light than I realized. I don’t expect everyday to this way, I know that along with the good there will be bad, but I know now, that I am strong enough to make it through and I understand now that one bad day does not define you’re whole life, one mistake does not make you a terrible person. There is no one in this world that is perfect, we fluctuate, our emotions fluctuate, I mean even Jesus got angry and cursed a fig tree, I guess what I’m getting at is that despite our imperfections, we continue grow, learn, love and live, we choose to stay, we choose to compromise, we choose to understand. I guess what I’m feeling is love, but not a romantic kind of love, the self kind, the kind that fills you up so much that you’re overflowing and it’s just poring out, the kind of love that fills a room so much, you don’t even notice anyone else around you, the kind of that needs to be shared. Happiness. What I’m feeling is happiness. I never felt like enough before, but I’m enough, I’ve always been enough, I just had to recognize it for myself. I spent so much time waiting on that validation from outside of myself, that I couldn’t see what was already biting so brightly inside me. I hope I can exploring my mind, and inner being, and I hope that the more I learn, the better I love. I just want to love.