Cannabis-Assisted Trauma Healing and Community Care

I began Recapitulation and began thinking of those things that Stevie was happy about. Books, creativity, trying. A memory of my uncle's wedding and being too scared to ask girls to dance 😂 I decided to continue on that vein. The first thought that popped into my head is one I've thought of before haven't focused on it because it didn't seem important (💀 this happens every time. Every time.) but since it was the first one and I was deep in my recapping state, I decided to go with it. It was a memory of Third(?) grade. I was being taken home by a family friend, Kristine, because her kids were our age. This happened fairly regularly. I was a talkative child. One with trauma and ADHD symptoms. I had just split from Rae, so I was pretty new to figuring out how to be socially acceptable. I didn't get many perfect weeks. The ones where they give you a grade based on how you did that day. I got C's and B's regularly. Obviously I didn't feel good about it. But what made it worse, and what fed into my food Scarcity, was that we would go to McDonald's after and everyone who got straight A's for the week would get an ice cream. I rarely got an ice cream. This memory I was practically hungry and had all A's, except for the B mid week. And I didn't get an ice cream... Even though it was such a good week. And in didn't cry, because I didn't want to look like a baby. (maybe this is why I didn't go with them the week I went home on the bus? Because I'd had yet another bad week and didn't want to miss out on ice cream again?) This was a massive revelation, taking 'It takes a village' in a different direction. But it does take a village to create some traumas. Just like it takes a village to break them. When I realized that, I cast my mind back further, looking for more examples of this. Instead I was meet with examples of the opposite. Those in the community who had ensured I'd had food. Things like sports, church activities, scouting. All of my friends parents, who might not have known, but still wanted to ensure I wasn't hungry with them. And specifically Michelle. Her fridge was the first one I felt comfortable opening apart from my own. And when I had an already to food she went out of her way to make sure there were treats and snack at her house I could eat. And when she made meals for lots of people, she always made a soy free version for me. And then my mind moved to how Emma and I do this. For everyone. Emma putting free packaged food in our yard when we lived next to a Elementary School. Putting snacks out for delivery drivers. Tev, sharing his favorite food and snacks with his kids because he doesn't want them to feel like they'll be turned down if they ask for food. Even when we throw parties, we try to have did available. And then I moved to how Stevie did it. Even when he was so concerned for his own food, he still have food to people who needed it. Instead of hording, he wanted to make sure others were also being taken care of. When I finally came out of my Recapitulation I was amazing at how much of my life has been touched by this good scarcity that I hadn't known I'd had until a few weeks ago. Like how I had used fast food as coping mechanism because I always had enough. It made me spend more money than I needed. Even when I had a pack lunch I Liked, I would buy something to satisfy this scarcity. Also understanding why I, Stevie, have been fronting so much. It's been very frustrating, but I've been forced out to confront this. But... More be lead to it? These memories have been coming up. I've even mentioned food scarcity before. But it feels like Stephen came out when needed to stop me from remembering entirely. Like last night I remembered Kristine (I think), but then couldn't remember it at all. I didn't understand, but I knew it had happened. Then I went through ways to see who is fronting and it was Tev. Probably because Stevie remembered and then took over because it was a bad time. He didn't think I could handle it. I'm not sure he's correct, but I don't begrudge him at all. It's what he's meant to do. Protect. And what better way to protect than forget? Today was the day it needed to happen. I suppose it could have happened beginning of next week as I don't have work, but I don't think I would have been a prepared. Today was perfect because I was showered in compassion and love from all sides. My manager is amazing. We've known each other for years and we're just right on the same page. And he's always impressed with our work ethic. So when we gave him a heads up about what was going on, he changed some of his meetings and made sure that he was there to help me with my tasks. They're due tomorrow and we needed to get them done. So we body doubled over zoom and got them done. It was fun. We joked about stuff and vented frustrations at what clients were doing. And we got most of it done. The only reason I didn't is because it was 5pm and he told me we would finish it tomorrow and to leave for the day. And then Emma and the kids have been wonderful to me. They're spectacular. And because of that support, at the end of the day I wasn't drained of energy and I was uplifted. I was in good spirits. I could recall memories that were embarrassing at the time (my uncle's wedding) and laugh because it's so funny. So yeah...I think I've changed my mind and Tev knows what he's doing. He didn't try to interfere at all this time when I began to remember. No pushback, no forced takeover. He just... Set me up for success. And because of that, it was manageable.

The user shares a powerful 'Recapitulation' exercise performed while cannabis-enhanced, uncovering the root of their childhood food scarcity trauma linked to conditional rewards at school. The reflection expands into a beautiful analysis of how they and their loved ones now consciously counter this scarcity by fostering communal abundance. They also provide a nuanced look at their internal system (dissociative identity), describing how 'Stevie' and 'Tev' protect them from trauma, eventually allowing for this healing breakthrough when they felt safely supported by their manager and partner.

That is SO beautiful. Im so proud of you ❤️ what an incredible series of insights 🌞

Nice work