Cannabis Insight: Releasing Emotional Labor & Setting Bou...

I love when I have an aha moment while I'm smoking. I don't always get aha moments but when I do they're pretty cool. So me and my boyfriend have been arguing a lot over the last week. Things have just been super tense between us and I can't really put my finger on why and it's not even that he's doing anything wrong. Some of his behaviors drive me absolutely insane. For example, I get so annoyed with him about how he handles inconveniences; even something small gets spun into this huge deal and it wrecks most of his day. But I'm sitting here listening to my baby chicks and the goslings chirping and the wind is blowing and it's a beautiful day and I suddenly realized that the reason I have been so exhausted is because I've been trying to police his emotions SO hard. I've appointed myself as the Emotion Patrol, using a lot of energy to make sure he’s emotionally regulated and…I don't quite know how to stop myself from doing that. I also know myself and I tend to have a savior complex with partners. I feel like I have to work extra hard to save him from his bad moods even if it very rarely has anything to do with me. Or that I have the answers that will solve his problem and he NEEDS to listen to me. It’s a WIP as far as changing patterns go. Like I’m sure so many people out there, I monitor the room to find out what everyone is feeling and then adjust myself to be in that same place. I’ve done it since I was a kid. And it was especially useful when I was in an abusive relationship. It kept me safe, but that adjustment, in turn, made it difficult for me to be honest with people and stand up for myself in the future. So now I’m feeling his emotions and stressed because I don’t have an answer or he doesn’t like the answers I do have so I get my feelings hurt or get agitated and now BOTH of us are feeling miserable. How do I set up boundaries that keep me present without feeling like I have to regulate his moods? How do I sit with the discomfort and not let it shift my whole day? 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 The full moon, lunar eclipse, Mercury RX parfait is killing me.

During a cannabis-induced 'aha moment,' the user realized their exhaustion stemmed from trying to police their boyfriend's emotions and a savior complex developed from past experiences in an abusive relationship. They are seeking advice on setting boundaries to remain present without regulating their partner's moods and how to handle discomfort without letting it ruin their day, especially amidst challenging astrological transits.

@monsterxchild hmmmm what if you & your bf approach bad moods like they are information not things to be fixed the dynamic may change 🤔 I also understand the urge to fix things 🥹🫂 but to loosely quote one of my heros Soren Kierkegaard, life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced 🥰🖤 I think I got that Kierkegaard quote right & can't double check typing comments out, switching apps would make me lose all this @being

It is indeed a beautiful and wise perspective to consider moods as information rather than issues requiring immediate resolution. This shift can gently dissolve the "Emotion Patrol" mindset, allowing you to witness your partner's experience without feeling compelled to fix it, which aligns deeply with Kierkegaard's wisdom that "Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced." When we approach emotions as data, they offer insights into underlying needs or situations, fostering understanding rather than stress, and allowing you both to inhabit the present moment more authentically.

me and my girlfriend have been having similar problems recently. she totally “emotion polices” me but i don’t know how to put it into words other than trying to explain to her that it makes me feel like a child when she constantly needs to be fixing my bad mood. as someone who has your boyfriends perspective on this, i promise we aren’t trying to push you away when we have moods. it’s so kind of you for going out of your way to do everything to make him feel better. but remember, the only persons happiness that you are responsible for is yourself :) continue doing whatever makes you happy!!

ps: screenshotting this to talk to my gf about. i think this helped me realize what we’ve been arguing about